One of the most powerful tools for transforming the black man, and the black family, is a modest, self-aware black woman. I hear so many sistas complaining about what a 'dog' the black man is, yet we feed them dog food constantly. We accept them dressed as little boys, in saggy jeans (or skinny jeans), colorful sneakers, caps, etc. To add insult to injury, we search for men while we dress like....less than ladies. It is safe to say that most people do not understand the law of Attraction. This law states that we can only attract to ourselves what we already are. Every person in our lives is a reflection of some part of ourselves. So do you really wanna attract a man who is okay with his woman going in public in pants that accentuate her 'prints'? I didn't think so!
    We're entitled to a few things when it comes to men... Protection, Provision, Fidelity, and Respect. While our men are supposed to protect us, we're also obligated to make it easy to be protected. Imagine the woman who goes out every weekend and gets absolutely wasted. She went out in her shortest dress and highest heels, danced on the bar, and 'turned all the way up' know her, you may be her. Imagine how difficult it would be for a man to ensure her protection. How hard is it for a man to resist this woman coming on to him? Imagine all the weaker men who went out looking to take advantage of a girl just like her! Scary isn't it?! Now ponder upon Ms. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, with her 'own' everything, who still makes sure her butt looks good going to work and tells her man 'You met me in these tight pants' when he asks about it. Imagine how hard it would be for a man to provide for that. When he buys her beautiful dresses she exchanges them for more of the same. How difficult is it for a man to be faithful in these situations? Does a man truly respect his woman if he is okay with her parading her body in front of strangers? It may be possible but not highly probable. 
    I remember a time when I lived for the nightlife. This was long before children or a husband brought focus to my life. My patience was short and my hemlines were shorter. By today's standards I was 'covered up' and pretty modest...I mean, my butt cheeks never showed and "the way I dress doesn't determine who I am!" ...Right?. I was bright, intelligent, and wise beyond my years(according to some); but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why men seemed not to be interested in those attributes. More captivated with my body and face than any form of conversation. In this superficial society, they all seemed to love me, swore that I was the "one"; but there was a nagging sense that something was missing. In the back of my mind, my mothers words from my childhood played like a record, "A man wants a lady, and he will never make a whore his wife". Though my actions and speech were lady-like, people get to know you with their eyes first! By family connection, I ended up in the company of N.O.'s rasta community. That was my first introduction to what it meant to respect my body, my womb, and my womanhood. I saw men who PREFERRED that their women be covered. I saw sistas who were comfortable (even in sticky Louisiana summer heat), beautiful, and fashionable in modest apparel. I met a man, my husband now, who suggested (but didn't push) for me to cover myself. I started slowly, eliminating and replacing items one piece at a time. Over time, my entire style had changed, for the better. I developed a truly unique and individual style. The respect I had searched out previously comes randomly and abundantly from strangers, friends and family. Male and female! Above all, who I AM actually has changed, become more refined, with a change of clothing. My reproductive health has improved DRASTICALLY since I ditched the tight clothes. I have heard many testimonials from women who have completely shrunk fibroids, cysts, etc. by making a few simple changes in wardrobe. It forces you to be creative, and it also forces you to commit to your own respect. Consider it sistas. I know the brothas seem to 'like' that 'look' better...but they really don't know what they want until we show it to them. When we raise the standard, they will have no choice but to rise with it! Let's be the Help they need! ;)

06/04/2013 9:15am

It is a 2 way street for our culture. One way black women are finally embracing their bodies and unique shape and really just showing off! The other way, black women are redefining their nature and finding modest ways to show off their sexy for reverence and respect. The extreme of letting it all hang out is a release from hundreds of years of repression in having to hide our beauty. Black men need to respect and protect no matter if Black women cover or let it hang out. Africa has to return to our conscious minds one way or another.

06/04/2013 9:56am

Thanks for your comment sis! While I agree that we deserve respect and protection, I do not require anything from anyone that I don't give to myself. If I am not respecting and protecting my own body then I surely don't expect any man to do it. I have not witnessed black women being repressed in our bodies. From my limited perspective, black women have been stripped bare and laid out for all the world to see for hundreds of years in a perverse society. I always make this comparison: We know there are kidnappers and pedophiles running around so we guard and protect our children from any attacks...yet we know there are perverse men, rapists, and straight MONSTERS on the prowl for US but we display our bodies for their feasting...are we justified in getting upset when they take? If you lay crack in front of a crackhead and expect them not to smoke it, who's really trippin? Ancient African thought processes do not work in this overprocessed, oversexed world. We must think and ACT in a way that preserves our dignity. Most of us have fallen for the notion that we have to be 'sexy' all the time...that in itself is a Western fallacy. If our focus is being sexy, we not only teach our men but also our children that "sexy" is an image to admire and aspire to. Intellegence, intuition, integrity...all these things go ignored in the pursuit of external 'hotness' & internal burning. You are right, our BEAUTY has been repressed...our bodies have not. The beauty of our hair, our skin, and our minds should be showcased. Our talents, thoughts and ideas being highlighted is a more appropriate expression. Showing off our butts and hips has been done since time immemorial and should be played out by now. IMO


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