photo: http://afro-art-chick.tumblr.com/post/30703683563 What is it about some women that makes them irresistible to their men? Is it their looks? their good soul food? or their good love? That might get him, but it's her style that keeps him! It's her happy acceptance of who and what she is and her ability to play it all the way up, to her (and his) benefit. It's the way she loves his children, his family, his friends, and his flaws. It's the way she represents him as a Woman, the perfect balance to his Manhood.
Style:
a : a distinctive manner of expression (as in writing or speech)
b : a distinctive manner or custom of behaving or conducting oneself
; also :
a particular mode of living <in high
style>
c : a particular manner or TECHNIQUE by which something is done, created, or performed.
Style:
a : a distinctive manner of expression (as in writing or speech)
b : a distinctive manner or custom of behaving or conducting oneself
; also :
a particular mode of living <in high
style>
c : a particular manner or TECHNIQUE by which something is done, created, or performed.
Grace :
a : a charming or attractive trait or
characteristic
b : a pleasing appearance or effect
c : ease and suppleness of movement or bearing
a : a charming or attractive trait or
characteristic
b : a pleasing appearance or effect
c : ease and suppleness of movement or bearing
So, now that we know the real definitions of style and grace, can we figure out where we lost 'em?! We modern black women seem to have forgotten what it means to be charming, coy and elegant. We have journeyed far from our natural womanhood on the road to the American Dream. I know because I too am a work in progress. Some things our mothers just didn't teach us. Many things were lost in translation. Generations of systematic oppression of our men and the simultaneous 'progression' of black women has skewed our ideals and values within gender constructs. Our marriages, families, and communities are suffering from the loss of the black WOMAN. We are a generation(or two) of females with no real clue as to how to be feminine.
These distinct and desirable traits ,usually passed down with much care and training to the next generation of women, went missing during the Feminist revolution. They once ensured peaceful homes and healthy, long lasting marriages. So what happened? Somewhere along the road to becoming 'as strong as' and independent of our men we left the importance of being women behind. Someone convinced us that to be graceful, delicate, and vulnerable was really being weak. Harsh, straight forward and aggressive won out to being modest, elegant and charming. Animalistic, no strings attached ("Like a Man") sexuality is enjoying a landslide victory over feminine sensuality and softness. Our children lost their mothers and our men lost their women, but above all, we lost ourselves. So much of our own discontent with the state of things is really our own imbalance. We are out of harmony with our true nature. Those little girls our great grandmother taught to be 'ladies' grew up and cunningly slipped our homes and our happiness right from under our noses. And we believed they were setting us free from male oppression. Our bad!
It happened so quickly, most of our grandmothers are still reeling from the whiplash. They look at our generation and wonder "where did we go wrong". The high level of divorce, out of control children, and lonely women is a testament to all we have given up. While we enjoy higher level careers, nice homes and financial freedoms, we lack the basic abilities we need to further our existence as a people. So what did our foremothers know that we do not?
These distinct and desirable traits ,usually passed down with much care and training to the next generation of women, went missing during the Feminist revolution. They once ensured peaceful homes and healthy, long lasting marriages. So what happened? Somewhere along the road to becoming 'as strong as' and independent of our men we left the importance of being women behind. Someone convinced us that to be graceful, delicate, and vulnerable was really being weak. Harsh, straight forward and aggressive won out to being modest, elegant and charming. Animalistic, no strings attached ("Like a Man") sexuality is enjoying a landslide victory over feminine sensuality and softness. Our children lost their mothers and our men lost their women, but above all, we lost ourselves. So much of our own discontent with the state of things is really our own imbalance. We are out of harmony with our true nature. Those little girls our great grandmother taught to be 'ladies' grew up and cunningly slipped our homes and our happiness right from under our noses. And we believed they were setting us free from male oppression. Our bad!
It happened so quickly, most of our grandmothers are still reeling from the whiplash. They look at our generation and wonder "where did we go wrong". The high level of divorce, out of control children, and lonely women is a testament to all we have given up. While we enjoy higher level careers, nice homes and financial freedoms, we lack the basic abilities we need to further our existence as a people. So what did our foremothers know that we do not?
photo source unknown
"Honeychile" ...They knew that being a true blue WOMAN is what makes our men love us forever. They also knew that womanliness is what helps us to fully love our men in return. Do ya'll know that most of the wars that we read about in OUR history (i.e. the Bible) were fought to protect US, women and increase our childrens inheritance. They fought to protect our innocence, an innocence we gave up for a false sense of 'liberation'. That vulnerable, innocent, feminine principle is what activates the instinctive protector and provider in our men. Trust and believe, those men did not bring back spoils and riches strictly for their own pleasure. (Hmph, men will happily live in boxes in a world without women to provide for.) They brought them home to US, their beautiful black women, to see our beautiful smiles and to hear us sing their praises ;) How sweet it is for a black man to come home to a gracious, happy woman. It does more for them than we can imagine to return from conquering the world and know that we are waiting with a warm inviting embrace, hot delicious food, and a gentle, quiet disposition. It keeps peace and above all, it keeps him coming HOME!
I hear so many women complain about men 'being dogs', staying out, and worse, cheating with a 'lesser woman'. These days we don't really know what a woman is to say what a lesser woman is. A less attractive woman may very well be Super Woman to him simply because she knows how to occupy her role and do it well. I always wonder how sisters can yell at their 'dog', kick him and feed him scant rations and expect him to come home....simply because she may be beautiful and make a decent living. Sorry ladies, that just isn't enough. Men are breadwinners by nature so they are not impressed when we go get it too. A real (deprogrammed) MAN would rather bring it home to you. A beautiful face will fade with time, men know this too, that's why beauty alone wont keep him. And for those who missed the memo, the market has been flooded with sex. For little to nothing a man can find at least 3 women willing to bend over backwards and do handstands, so don't put all your eggs in that basket either. The only surefire way to keep your marriage and home intact and at peace is to return to that which is YOURS by nature. He craves it. The feeling of being THE MAN...and little do we know, we crave the feeling of being the woman and feeling good about it.
Every man wants to feel like he is Superman in your eyes. Every man has that "ego thing" going on...Stroke It!! Don't be ashamed! It may feel silly or stupid at first but that's only because we're so far removed from our 'normal' selves. Keep at it until it feels good to you and him. Don't hesitate to be soft and sweet. "You catch more flies with honey", as my grandma always says. Reclaim your innocence. Be vulnerable, you wont die I promise!
I know the pressures of being told that you must achieve like men, work like men, think like men and get ahead like men. That mindset of "I got bills to pay" and "aint nobody got time for all that"; but it really comes down to this: Do you want peace, happiness and contentment? Do you want to be provided for and protected? Do you want to live gracefully and easily; or would you rather keep trying to fit your soft, round self into a hard, square box? You might squeeze in there but it'll never be right. I was once a very angry and combative young woman so I know very well those feelings of neglect, abuse and abandonment. It isn't easy to grow to be able to let our guards down and trust our men after so much hurt. It isn't easy to be soft, gentle, and patient with ourselves in a world so hard, cruel, and cold. In all honesty, before we trust our men, we must start to trust ourselves again, to heed our intuition and embrace our femininity. Once we do these things, we will no longer attract or accept men who misuse us and take advantage of our weaker nature. We will become magnetic to those things that enhance and enlighten our true selves.
Peace and Much more Light and Love on the journey sisters!
I hear so many women complain about men 'being dogs', staying out, and worse, cheating with a 'lesser woman'. These days we don't really know what a woman is to say what a lesser woman is. A less attractive woman may very well be Super Woman to him simply because she knows how to occupy her role and do it well. I always wonder how sisters can yell at their 'dog', kick him and feed him scant rations and expect him to come home....simply because she may be beautiful and make a decent living. Sorry ladies, that just isn't enough. Men are breadwinners by nature so they are not impressed when we go get it too. A real (deprogrammed) MAN would rather bring it home to you. A beautiful face will fade with time, men know this too, that's why beauty alone wont keep him. And for those who missed the memo, the market has been flooded with sex. For little to nothing a man can find at least 3 women willing to bend over backwards and do handstands, so don't put all your eggs in that basket either. The only surefire way to keep your marriage and home intact and at peace is to return to that which is YOURS by nature. He craves it. The feeling of being THE MAN...and little do we know, we crave the feeling of being the woman and feeling good about it.
Every man wants to feel like he is Superman in your eyes. Every man has that "ego thing" going on...Stroke It!! Don't be ashamed! It may feel silly or stupid at first but that's only because we're so far removed from our 'normal' selves. Keep at it until it feels good to you and him. Don't hesitate to be soft and sweet. "You catch more flies with honey", as my grandma always says. Reclaim your innocence. Be vulnerable, you wont die I promise!
I know the pressures of being told that you must achieve like men, work like men, think like men and get ahead like men. That mindset of "I got bills to pay" and "aint nobody got time for all that"; but it really comes down to this: Do you want peace, happiness and contentment? Do you want to be provided for and protected? Do you want to live gracefully and easily; or would you rather keep trying to fit your soft, round self into a hard, square box? You might squeeze in there but it'll never be right. I was once a very angry and combative young woman so I know very well those feelings of neglect, abuse and abandonment. It isn't easy to grow to be able to let our guards down and trust our men after so much hurt. It isn't easy to be soft, gentle, and patient with ourselves in a world so hard, cruel, and cold. In all honesty, before we trust our men, we must start to trust ourselves again, to heed our intuition and embrace our femininity. Once we do these things, we will no longer attract or accept men who misuse us and take advantage of our weaker nature. We will become magnetic to those things that enhance and enlighten our true selves.
Peace and Much more Light and Love on the journey sisters!
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